Jason Teo

A great article

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 20:06:06 +0800

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/navigating-loss-dealing-with-the-pain/

A note in cyberspace

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 11:35:41 +0800

Febuary 5th 2013 tuesday.

The most important person in my life left me just like that.

The most important person in my life,the person that took care of me since birth

Its too sudden for me honestly.

Too many many things i wanted to say but i haven’t

But i know when she was living i did what i could,talked to her more,expressed my gratitude for all the meals she made for me. Talked to her before leaving for work every morning and talked to her at every meal time.

The pain is great to be honest,it is so fucking painful i have to express it in writing in some way. Memories,the sound of a person’s voice,the things they did for you and all the care and concern they’ve shown you,these things i’ll carry with me for life.

well yesterday was the final meal home cooked meal from my grandmother before she passed away from the heart attack. I really appreciate her for everything she has done for me,she is like more of a mother to me than my mother was. I always told myself to respect the hand that feeds and i’m content that i did what i could for her which was to never ever talk to her rudely,always say the food is good whether it was good or bad,to make an effort to say good morning to her every day,i still remember ytd morning talking to her and she still looked alright but what really saddens me was that i didnt really get a last chance to say anything to her except on her death bed but i know somehow she can hear me,i know she can.

i remember the canings when i was young,how i hated it but when i grew up i realise how it helps to mould me as a person and that the people who scold you are the ones who actually care about you the most and also the funny incidents when i would purposely get a zero for spelling tests and i would get locked out of the house for 30 mins and i would be told that the garang guni would sell me away. You first taught me how to sew and how to cook and we had a very memorable conversation about the topic of friendship and you always told me its good to make friends everywhere and be more sociable. The stories you said,everything i must have heard 10 times or more but i never tire of them and i never will i want you to know that(for anyone reading i really want you to know that older people tend to forget the things they say sometimes and they tend to repeat certain things again but please dun get annoyed but instead do listen and listen happily,cuz i did listen and now i promise you wont regret it),i still remember all of them,of the years during the war,of how you lost ur father at a young age,running from all the bombs and shelling at age 9,queueing for rations by yourself and having to learn to be independent from very young,learning to cook and wash and make yourself useful,the story of how you used to chase boys who bullied you with rocks to get even and the time you were hit by a lorry while cycling and so many more,i really miss you so much grandma goddamnit,it sounds weak i know but i really would do anything for you to be alive even a few more days now just to speak to you but i know you would want me to be strong,just like you,you would want me to carry on with my life,to be a useful person,to support the family and take care of my siblings,i always had problems with siblings and you always told me its a blessing to have siblings,that you were a single child and for any family matters there is nobody else to get advice from.I still remember the box of wantons ytd morning,how you always smile as you await to hear my comments about what you’ve just made,you always make my fav food and even to the extend of thinking of new recipes to make certain things vegetarian,you were always such an inspiration when it comes to personal skills and craft,the spirit of never giving up and that starting at any age is never a problem and to also never give up like the case of you starting to learn how to make rice dumplings at age 45 and messing up the first batch but subsequently getting it right after many tries and getting it to taste good. I learnt a lot of life lessons from you too,i wont ever give up in my craft,my music,i’ll do it really well and i will also cultivate my love and care for people and be less hateful n be more “chin chai” like you and let the small little things and irritations go,i’ll also learn to live with little and not ask for much just like how you are always so contented with just your cigarettes and coffee everyday and a thin mattress and a simple pillow and thin blanket. I really respect you so much i have never ever met a tougher person than you and i really am determined to move on and with all my strength overcome all the obstacles and beyond thru this difficult stage.

I love you so much grandma,i’ll always recall all your stories to myself to uphold the memory of you,i know you’ve moved on to a more beautiful place and please rest in peace after 79 years of a very very very tough life,i really hope you find peace and great joy and please be rest assured i’ll take care of the crazy auntie til death,its a worry i know thats constantly on your mind and i will keep this promise and never leave this depot road hse and singapore til i’ve done my duty.

I love you grandma,rest in peace.

Easing the pressure

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 15:12:30 +0800

Some cheap wine does ease off the stress of the week.

Its hard to cope honestly,during normal days i’ve seem to build up a network of little things to fall back on and to cheer me up.For me coffee is a non stop kinda thing,i’ll keep drinking even if i have a sore throat,its like it breathes life into me i dun really know how to explain it. It is also an excellent mood control kinda thing.

I can’t wait for 5th jan,this shit is mentally draining,being sick every week is really tiring too but i’ll push on

push on

push forward

push on push on push on pushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sosuperawesome: The Adorable Story of a Grandmother and Her...

Fri, 23 Nov 2012 22:52:00 +0800

sosuperawesome:

The Adorable Story of a Grandmother and Her Cat

Japanese photographer Miyoko Ihara began taking pictures of her grandmother, Misao, 13 years ago to commemorate her rich life. Along the way, the photographer came across a beautiful bond between her now 88-year-old grandmother and a cat named Fukumaru, whose given name roughly translates as “good fortune circle.” In her photo book titled Misao the Big Mama and Fukumaru the Cat, Ihara captures the affectionate tale of these two best friends doing everything together.

Looking through a selection of photos from the book, one can see the genuine friendship and warmth between the inseparable pair as they keep each other company throughout their daily lives. It was nine years ago that Misao first found Fukumaru abandoned in a shed, described as an “odd-eyed kitten.” While the cat had its own ailments and hearing disabilities, the two have continued to grow old together, enjoying the beauty of everyday life against the stunning backdrop of nature’s fields.

To see more heartwarming images of this adorable grandmother and her precious cat, Misao the Big Mama and Fukumaru the Cat can be purchased directly through Little More Books.

Phases

Sun, 18 Nov 2012 11:54:00 +0800

This phase of my life (the past 3 years)

prolly made me mature more than anything else,struggles and mroe struggles,struggles against failure,against depression,against family problems,against the lack of time,against money problems,i never stopped believing and i will never give up my dreams. I will step onto an international stage and perform my music and write my big ass autobiography of my small depot road home to mansion story and of all the nonsense i endured against and the different person that came out of all the darkness in my life.

belief is powerful,belief is strong and i will come out a winner and i know i will.

nothing can break me

nothing can mislead me

nothing can make me give up

i’ll be the toughest most adaptable fucker people will come to know.

Life is a whirlwind of events

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 10:05:56 +0800

To find myself at this stage is kinda exciting but wierd as well

Dressing

Fri, 11 May 2012 01:52:03 +0800

classy,talking and acting that way doesn’t make one gain anything on the inside.

In the end you just become a pretentious idiot.

Class and manners serve to help us have better control our emotions and tempers as well and behave appropriately.That i believe is the true goal.

Need to break

Wed, 09 May 2012 19:50:04 +0800

out of this thought cycle of 1st,2nd,3rd completely and focus on living,on happiness.

Struggle

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:10:27 +0800

isn’t as bad as it is made out to be

A mundane life is worse.

Determination

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:06:30 +0800

is even more important than talent and that is something you have alot of.

How many with talent,started young and groomed well and given a quality specialist education failed to achieve anything remarkable?

Remember the fellas from all the talent shows?

Remember all the one hit wonders?

Remember all those who at one point seemed to wow alot of people with their skills or talents?

How many gave up and took the easy route after a couple of years?

How many just became skeptics and went straight for money instead?

The process of fighting for success changes us.

In the end the most valuable thing is the person we become after all the struggling and pushing ourselves well beyond our comfort zones.

I love change,i love what i’ve become and i’m sure you’ll be too.

We live for the highs and lows.

If you never give up the universe will recognise that infectious energy and show you the signs you need.

Life is fair in that sense.

I struggled 4 years without much progress and i got my signs this year and things are going up in leaps and bounds.

It’ll happen for you too as long as you never give up,4 years,8 years whatever thats all just a period of time.Besides if we don’t do all this what else do we do anyway?

Work 9 to 5

Start a crappy investment portfolio based on everyone else’s advice

Join in the constant skepticism of this world

Have a few brats who mess up other people’s lives

Watch Tv

Eat fancy foods and wear fancy clothes

keep up with trends and every new internet lingo

Drink and smoke and try to ”relax” that way

Struggle to pay off a house and car.

Or we could be happy struggling for personal statisfaction in our work.

The suffering that most people tend to avoid.

Time never stops

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 12:53:31 +0800

but sometimes i tend to stay in a particular year too long.

Block .

Block.

and break free from the past.

i never gave up

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:04:01 +0800

and now i’m beginning to see the first signs of a breakthrough.

25 reasons why i love you

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 23:27:01 +0800

well its one of those sweet reasons corresponding to months posts again hehe

1.) you recommend me good stuff,books,films,places to see

2.) you encourage me in what i wana pursue

3.) you stand my lame jokes

4.) stood by me through a fucking rough year

5.)cuz you’re not materialistic and dun crave for those fucking expensive but ultimately not satisfying stuff that only soothes the ego temporarily

6.) listen to me rant and i’m sorry about the negative things here and there and talking too much

7.)cuz we share many common interests yet we’re so different

8,) we both love films and its like 10000000 times better that you like the more deeper stuff yet not the artsy snob stuff hehehe

9.) cuz a love of cafes and long chilling sessions aint for normal people

10.) i like your taste in books

11,) i love how you can stand gore and talking about digusting but yet ultimately human stuff

12.) mika tan hahahahahahaahah

13.) can’t wait to see you tommorow lah!

14.) time and tide waits for no man but thank you for hearing my nonsense eg.how long my poopoo was this morning

15.) for tolerating my bad singing

16.)for making a huge effort to dress very nicely to the detail and put on makeup for me everytime we meet

17.) for buying me macroons although you dont have much cash and its so ex,dont buy alr kay!

18.)i say this again and again but it really means alot alot alot to me,your words of support,without it i dun think i could gone very far on my own

19.) how adorable your way of thinking is :)

20.) cuz u you look very sweet in dresses

21.) for giving me you drawings and i really like the one with the severed hand pointing at the head

22.)i love you alot cuz you’ve shown me that not compromising every little thing results in a great end product and thats a very good philosophy

23.) doesnt tie in with the main title but cafe hopping tmr sounds real good

24.) i’m sorry if it feels like i dun care about you sometimes,i’ll buck up on my attentiveness

25.) lastly,for not minding that on certain months i cant afford store bought gifts

i love you bby and sorry if the posts come very late in between these days but know that i love you alright :)

damn

Tue, 10 Apr 2012 23:05:32 +0800

its fucking hard and the learning curve is god damn steep,anyways,gotta keep fucking going at it

24

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 05:06:17 +0800

It’s probably 9 in the morning now and you’re drinking your grandma’s coffee while reading this, so here goes:

24) Our constant talks about zombie apocalypses especially in supermarkets

23) Mindless grocery shopping where we just wander between alleys of canned food and junk aimlessly.

22) I love that you’re not a blanket/pillow/bolster hogger, must be all the scouts training. Plus because I’m one

21) You letting me have the cheese off your pizza, now that’s true love.

20) Long bus rides

19) For being my muscles from carrying heavy filming equipment to a 12.75 Kg IMac back without a single complaint

18) I know that you will stick through thick and thin with me

17) From selling the zines at a curb by Maxwell road, to drilling holes, to enduring the burning hell in my room while shooting the jerseys. Your presence and support meant so fucking much to me.

16) Briand,Morgan and Banksy. These 3 guys have been huge sources of inspiration for me.

15) For always being the first person to critique my works, I’m always so excited to show you my stuffs

14) All our drawings on the index cards

13) The 4 books that you’ve made, that we shall publish one day and become millionaires, never fail to cheer me up

12) I like that we’ve a healthy amount of conflicts and disagreements, not too much and not too little.

11) Whenever I’m late, you won’t blame me. Instead you’ll say ” I know girls always take a longer time to prepare”

10) How we can play silly improvisation games anytime, anywhere.

9) How you’re such a softie at heart.

8) I’m extremely glad and happy that after so long you’ve made vast improvements.

7) How we’ve seen each other struggling like fuck in whatever we do. There’s a fucking long way to go, but knowing that you’re there keeps me going ahead,

6) How you delivered lunches to me during my internship. I swear seeing you made me feel so much more alive.

5) You’re a man of your words

4) One of the greatest things that I love about you is that given the circumstances that you are in, you could have just resigned to your life and not do shit about it, but instead you choose to fight and rise against your odds. Plus I love that you’re really independent.

3) A certain pink rabbit, 3 baby carrots and Mr carrot.

2) Till now, it still amazes me how we are so different, yet the differences makes things better,

1) I feel extremely fortunate to have met somebody who shares the same ideals about life especially towards our goals and dreams. Somebody who believe in sticking to what we love doing no matter what, despite the voices of negativity.

Thank you so fucking much for everything. We’ve both changed and grown so much within there 2 years. Got stuck in ruts, got so fucking lost, got depressed, but all these only made us even more sure about what we want to do. This is going to sound so fucking cheesy, but whenever you are around I don’t feel that lost, I don’t feel that scared. Your presence is like a guiding light, whenever things feel a little hopeless for me. You’re such a huge source of strength and support to me.

Fuck I just made you sound like Jesus in the last few sentences.

I love you.

P.S I just downloaded everything from OASIS and fuck my mind has been fucking blown. I dont understand why Noel Gallagher inspires me so much, I swear I felt so much better after watching interviews of him. I’m soo fucking excited to show you their stuffs later.

Leaving it all

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 13:22:44 +0800

Months of being alone and struggling by myself and i thought when i’m back up again friends will be the first people to turn to.Turns out it wasn’t

1.) we don’t share the same ideologies about money,financial concepts,personal success,satisfaction from personal work etc

I don’t know how to tell you people but go read up on the time for money trap and as a parting line there is no job security in the world,no job is ever secure and in this day and age being a struggling artist is less riskier than trying to hold a job forever(unless your aim in life is to be the most obedient dog who follows orders 100percent) I’ll have a temp job but thats only to put food on the plate.The rest of the time i wana create music and idk whether it will be rewarding financially but i can only die in peace if i live without fucking regrets.

2.) I realised that i stopped being a wreck the moment i left all the fellow screw ups altogether.

Met 2-3 more people the last year and it truly made all the difference and impact on my life.Leaving everyone behind will be the best thing for myself.Another thing i realised is that when friends get successful doing what they do they don’t share anything,not a single fucking thing,i on the other hand talk too much.Its ok i decided only to hang with people who share my ideologies and habits of working hard and effectively and are willing to share in a situation where mutual parties are respectful,learn from each other and grow.

I compromised on myself to fit in with others better,years later i’m tired and i won’t do it ever again.
I’m kinda gay,maybe in society terms have certain faggot traits and behaviour that the masses agree on shouldn’t be in a guy but i’m proud of myself,proud to be who i want to be and what i’ve become.Proud that i stood my ground on many things and now am gonna stand firm for what i believe in.

Finally fixed and resolved all the technical shit

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 01:45:53 +0800

Time to begin now.

I don’t how my future will turn out.

I don’t know if i will make it so big til i don’t have to work and all i can do is make music.

I can’t tell what happens in the future.

All i hang on to now is my clear and informed knowledge about what is happening and my situation.

I’ve learned to work much efficiently and worked much harder.

Stayed off binge drinking,read up properly about money,investing and life.

Asked myself honest questions and answered them all truthfully and confronted myself.

Fucked up so much and so many times but not gonna let that bring me down 1 tiny little bit.

Life,here i come and way more prepared than ever.

happiness

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 22:46:09 +0800

is always what we create from our circumstances.

The control of our mind,of our feelings has always been something i’m trying to master.

All this noise around me.Someday i’ll be independent enough to leave this place.

In the meantime i’ll learn to master myself first.

In you

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 22:43:11 +0800

i saw somepart of myself i’ve kept hidden for a long time and others.

In you i see the childlike wonder of beautiful innocent things once again.

The simple delight in collecting tin toys.The simple mechanics of its clockwork instead of the big cars fellow peers chase.

The simple joys of grocery shopping.Looking at endless shelves of foodstuffs and wondering how everything tastes like.

With you i remeber how to have fun,be laid back and be myself and relax.

i don’t crave for a drink now.

The worst is over and i’m looking forward to painting(no matter how amatuerish) stuff with you and watching great movie after movie.

I love you bby (L)

Thank you

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 21:34:45 +0800

for sticking through with me.

I’ve got your back and although we both look like we have no future for now but the great thing is we both know what we wana do and that makes all the difference.

I don’t believe we can’t outsmart this system.

We do what we can,we learn all we can and we survive.

The first 5-7 years maybe it’ll be tough,it’ll be extremely hard but once we go through all that we have to,i assure you it’ll be great :)

Know that i love you and we can do it alright!